It’s been two years since the day my accident took place. I will never forget the day it happened and how scarey it was. But these days when I think back, sadness is not the emotion I feel. I have overcome so much, I actually feel a sense of accomplishment, not sadness. I now know for sure no matter what I am up against, I can overcome any challenge life wants me to face.

I don’t want to say I’m happy I lost my legs or that I don’t miss them every single day, because I do. But I try to look on the positive side as much as possible to see the silver linings. I now have more willingness to try new things that interest me than I did before my accident. In the past I would let anxiety and fear prevent me from going out into the world. Now I have new experiences that make me a better person. I find myself doing things I never could before, and might never experience if I hadn’t undergone such a tragic accident.

I think my accident actually gave me the opportunity to get involved in sports in a way I never would have been able to, and it is such a blessing. I’ve been really enjoying the opportunity to play hockey on a high level for the New Jersey Freeze.

On the Ice at Half Time

It is sort of amazing how the circle of life works. When I was a little kid, my mom taught yoga, so I knew about it but I was never super interested until three years ago, when I decided to learn more. I wanted to know about the different styles of yoga, and I have the good luck that my Auntie Kaitlin is editor for Yoga Journal magazine. She helped me get a job volunteering to be a badge checker and door monitor at the Yoga Journal Conference in Boston in 2008. My On the last day, I was assigned to help set up the class and watch the door for a class taught by Mathew Sanford. He is a yoga instructor in a wheelchair, and one of his main teaching styles is for teachers who are working with people with a wide range of disabilities and how yoga can be tailored to such individuals needs.

with Mathew Sanford at the Yoga Journal Conference in New York

Last Sunday I got to attend the Yoga Journal Conference in New York city, thanks to my aunt and the conference director, Alana. So it was very interesting and sort of funny because when I attended this year, I was in Mathew’s class again, but this time I was not the door monitor. The main focus was on me, as Matt was able to use me to show other students what adjustments can be helpful for a double amputee, and how certain yoga positions could be adjusted for people in my situation. I really appreciated getting to be in his class and what he showed me about working with my energy in ways I didn’t know possible. The students seemed to really appreciate my willingness, and I was very glad I could be of help to Mathew’s class and that at the same time I got to learn so much from it.

I got to see some yoga teacher/ friends I had not seen since my time in the hospital, like Seane Corn, and it really warmed my heart to see these people again and be in a much healthier situation where I could show how much I appreciated them.

with yoga teacher Faith Hunter

I also got to meet some amazing yoga teachers I didn’t know before, like Bo Forbes, Faith Hunter and Elena Brower. All of them had truly fantastic careers and beautiful souls, attitudes and words for others. I felt a lot of love and admiration.

Other good news: I am very proud of my progress in school last semester, because I was committed to getting good marks no matter how much focus it required. All my work paid off. I passed my class with great marks in all of my subjects – even German! (That class was much harder than I expected!)

More great news: I got a dog! The people at Golden Hearts rescue looked for a dog for me that was calm, intelligent and easy to train.  A dog that might help me with small things, but mainly be easy to manage from a wheelchair and be a great companion. I am so happy with Lulu, and she is healthy and so much fun to have around. Acquiring her and getting her set up at the vet was expensive, but I think she is a great investment in being happy every day.

Two year Anniversary of the Accident - with Mom and Lulu

My prosthetics progress has not been moving forward at an acceptable pace. I need help and I’m looking for a good prosthetic doctor here in New Jersey. It’s hard to imagine exactly what is possible for me on prosthetics, and what I need to do to make my body cooperate fully, but I have great equipment and I think with some professional adjustments and support, I can be out of my wheelchair some of the time.

I was checking out people who got help from the Hangar prosthetics crew, and the success they were able to achieve. One person who really stuck for me was Laurens Molina. He was born with no bones in his legs below his knees, and had them amputated at an early age. He now runs in races and does everything a normal person does, wearing his prosthetics. I think his ability to never give up and to get to a point where he is truly comfortable on his prosthetics is truly inspiring and I aim to be like him. Even though I did not loose my legs at birth – which seems to make it easier to adjust -  I believe I can be just as effective in my situation.

Check out Molina’s profile here.

If anyone has any suggestions about a good prosthetist who accepts Medicaid in New Jersey, I’d be grateful for any introduction.

SO much has changed in the last two years. Even with everything I have gone through and the struggles I have faced I would not take any of it back and I am so happy and grateful for where I am in my life, and especially for all the love and support that I have found people are capable of. All that happened is truly a blessing. I love and care about all those out there who have helped me and been there for me. I won’t ever give up knowing I have people behind me that love me.

Take care everyone out there and enjoy life every day!

Peace-

Gabe

Dear Friends,

With his residual legs healed from Fall’s surgeries, Gabe sets out to make more progress in wearing his amazing prosthetic legs. On Friday, Gabe documented his effort to get started walking again, and created this message to share with his cherished supporters and friends.

I am so proud of his determination and positive spirit!

~ Niika

In Central Park

I have been dreaming of playing ice hockey for a long time. In the last two weeks, I have had the amazing opportunity to try out Disabled Ice Hockey – or ‘Sled Hockey’ as it is more commonly called. (Also sometimes called “Sledge Hockey.”

I was invited to join disabled hockey team sponsored by the New York Rangers professional team. To be honest, I’ve always been a New Jersey Devils fan. But I gotta say – I love the Rangers for this incredible chance to get myself out on the ice!

And I’m excited to find that I enjoy hockey even more than wheelchair basketball. It’s great exercise, very challenging and super rewarding. It’s much more physical, and that is great for feeling the intensity of being alive. Slamming into the other players is great for letting out aggression and even transforming mental pain. I really love playing this hockey game as much as I dreamed I would!

Great to be on Ice

How can a guy without legs play hockey? Instead of standing up on skates, I strap into a small sled, basically just like sitting on skates. Instead of holding a long hockey stick, I hold two  shorter sticks, one in each hand. Each stick is about the length of a yardstick, or half the length of a regular hockey stick, and has 3 or 4 spikes on one end which I use to dig in and propel myself across the ice — at some pretty decent speed.

Just like in regular hockey, one end of the stick is used to shoot/slap the puck. Here’s a photo. You can see the metal attachments at the bottom, for jabbing the ice and getting traction to push forward.

Very unlike the Basketball team I was on in California, this hockey team is very organized. Twice a month we get to practice at the Rangers’ practice facility. The other weeks we meet on Thursday or Friday to practice whenever there is open ice – anywhere in New Jersey, New York or Connecticut. Tournaments are once a month.

Last weekend I got to participate in a hockey showcase in New York City! Wollman Skating Rink is right in Central Park, an open-air ice rink that was truly beautiful. It was a really great time. We got to skate around and give a demonstration of what sled hockey is. We got our pictures taken with some retired professional Rangers, too.

Involvement is expensive. To be on the team requires quite a bit of driving every week to places as far away as Boston. The equipment is also very pricey because most of it has to be custom-fit to the body for safety. When you have a life that depends on using your hands and shoulders to move around, you have to protect them. When the ends of your legs are delicate, you have to protect them from assault. And when your face is down low close to the ice where the puck is flying, you better protect that too!

Ice Action

I’m borrowing what I can because I’m so passionate about getting out there. But soon I’ve got to put together my own gear: shoulder pads, a jersey, a solid helmet with clear plastic face guard and mouth piece, elbow pads, padding to protect the ends of my legs, gloves, sticks that match my arm size, and of course, a sled.

It could be really great to be involved in something like this because I will also have the opportunity to meet people and do things that I would not get a chance to otherwise.

Although my daily life is already demanding and full of struggles, I really want to dedicate time and resources to hockey. It’s going to require my full commitment to participate on the level expected by my team and my self. So, even with all the driving, expense and commitment I have to say hockey is the most fun I’ve had since my accident took place and I hope it will continue.

I hope you enjoy the photos of sled hockey in Central Park. A huge thanks to Dana Jensen for cheering me on and taking the pics…!

I gotta play!

Take care everyone -

Gabe

The day I turned 21

Hey out there, all of you out and about in the worldwide web….

So the last time we spoke or I wrote to every one, things were very different. The last time I wrote, I was 20, living in California, and I had a girlfriend.

Now, all that has changed. First of all, my mom got us moved back to New Jersey because I really wanted to move back here, and even though she is in India most of the time, she likes the East Coast too.  I’m happy to be home again.

And I turned 21 last month. I guess I am now considered an adult! But sometimes I feel like I have further to go to reach that status.

My personal life has shifted a lot, and has gone through a turbulent change I really wasn’t expecting. I was in a long-term relationship that I was looking forward to enjoying when I got settled in New Jersey. It was a rather serious relationship, and it came to an end in an abrupt and very surprising fashion.

Change has always been an extremely hard thing for me and it is a big adjustment for me for face this change. But as life has taught me, you have to be patient, have faith in life, yourself and the future, and you can’t let anything stop you from reaching for your goals and making progress in life. This is often easier said than done, but I try to always be positive and hopeful.

I am attending Raritan Valley Community College. I’m giving a try at studying German and taking some prerequisites in English and Math, also. My major is Communications.

My prosthetics progress has been very slow, and it gets me very down sometimes because it’s hard to stay motivated. its painful and I can feel like I won’t ever be able to walk. Moving away from my great prosthetics doctor in California does make things a little harder because he was a great inspiration and was always ready to help me “take the next step” forward. I know it’s really important for my health to get my body upright and out of the wheelchair. And I really do want to walk again, so I do make myself practice on my own.

I am hoping to find a coach or just a helpful person who can walk with me, help make sure I don’t fall, and cheer me on a little bit to help me stay motivated.  I have a great set of parallel bars in my living room to hold onto and keep my upper body straight when I practice walking in prosthetics. I’m looking forward to the possibility of someone stopping by once or twice a week to “spot me” and watch me walk.

I also am looking for a yoga class to be in because I believe working on my flexibility would be great for my prosthetic usage so if any one around the Sommerville area knows of good yoga classes that may be able to take a disabled student, I would love to know what is available.

Some times living on my own is very hard. Not as far as getting around or being able to handle chores really, but coming home alone all the time can bring a depressing and isolating feeling.  So, I am looking for a roommate and I am hoping I can find someone who has the qualities I aspire to in my life. I want to find someone to live with who will help bring out the best in myself, which is really what we all want. I know myself very well and when turbulent things are happening in your life or relationships, its easy to turn to the wrong types of things to calm yourself and fill that emptiness. I’m ready for a new way.

While I’m still adjusting and trying to find my way forward in life, for the most part life is good and going along.  Some parts are hard but that is true for every one in this world we live in. I am really thankful for the opportunities I have had recently and that I am still alive and on this earth everyday.

It means a lot to me that people are still reading my blog posts…!. I hope every one is doing great, that your life is full of happiness and love. For all my people in NJ  – I would love to see you!

I love you all and thank you for reading.

Gabe

A lot has happened in the last few months! I am happy to say, though, that I am once again healthy and happy.

As most of you probably know, I underwent two recent operations on my legs. Even though it was traumatic to have two surgeries at a time we were not planning, and have to repeat the surgery even after that, and take weeks of healing each time, and especially have one leg come out shorter, I am happy to say that I think I healed very well.

Gabe went to visit family before the Surgeries and took a Walk with Uncle Kris

In the last few days I was able to stand up in the prosthetics Dave Krupa gave me once again,  after going through the healing process and having them re-fit to my new leg shape.

I have not been able to try walking yet, but from what i can tell so far, they  feel much more comfortable. There’s less pain on the ends of my legs when I stand, so I am am really excited about this!  Because eventually, I know I will walk again.

Of course, a wheel chair will always be part of my life. But just knowing I could have the ability to get up and walk out of the front door with nothing but my prosthetic legs is really exciting. I  feel that all that stands between me and being able to do this is practice, so I’m very excited to get back to practicing and moving forward with this part of my life.

In the meantime, I am working out several times a week to keep my upper body strong because I depend on that for all movement now. And I have started playing wheelchair basketball once again, now that my energy is coming back after surgery.

Also as many of you know, I am planning to return to the East Coast and live in New Jersey once again. I have wished many times that I had stayed there after my accident, and had not gone to California. But there have been good things about being out here. I had time to become clear on what I need in my life. What kind of accessibility and help I need to live and make progress. And now I know what I can do myself, and the things I do not need help to handle.

I also got a chance to have family around more, which was a good thing, probably for all of us.

With my grandma, my aunt, my cousin from California and my girlfriend from New Jersey

I am very excited about moving back to New Jersey. I have not yet found an apartment or dwelling to rent, so if you happen to know of something you think might work I would very much appreciate your contacting my mom or me. (We can build a ramp into a back or front door if that makes the difference!)

I am planning to move back at the end of the winter semester, toward the end of December. Brrr…! Jersey cold! Can’t wait! I am really looking forward to being home and being around where I grew up and my favorite place in the world! : ) Not to mention it will be great to see some friendly faces of all the people I miss! I hope every one is doing well.

I miss you all and hope every one is getting ready for a fun and relaxing holiday season. I look forward to seeing all my East Coasters soon. To everyone else, I hope you have a great holiday season!

Thank you for all your love and support.

Gabe

Going In, One More Time

Hello all ~

Gabe’s just entered the operating theatre here in Santa Rosa with anesthesiologist Dr. Moore, orthopedic surgeon Dr. Nathan Ehmer and plastic surgeon Dr. Barry Silberg.

We were up at 4:30 this morning. Gabe had been instructed to cease all intake of food and liquids by midnight, and this morning to wash his hair, scrub his body and put on freshly laundered clothing. We had Gabe checked in at the hospital by 5:30am and found our way to the ICU/Surgery waiting room.

Then, we began what has come to feel like “standard operating procedure” after the 11 trips to the operating basement Gabe made at Morristown Memorial in New Jersey: meet the pre-op nurse, be shown to a pre-op bay. Remove all personal clothing, jewelry and other articles, don the lovely and stylish hospital attire. Settle on the gurney and answer a long list of questions (that were also answered the day before by phone).

Temp taken. Pulse detected. Lungs listened to…..

For Gabe, the next part is probably the hardest – giving blood for tests, getting an IV hooked up. He just doesn’t have the veins for this business. It took four people each several tries to do the job. Ouch.

And in all the gaps is this terrible waiting. The other hard part.

Finally, the surgeons came in to talk for a few minutes, to clarify their plan. The main goal is to remove the extensive calcified heterotopic ossification from his right leg, and find a creative way to close the leg that will allow for more general safety and prosthetic use without excess skin stress and breakdown. Here’s the idea: Dr. Ehmer will remove all the calcification that results from the high level of trauma sustained to the muscle tissue on the right leg. If possible, he wont’ have to reduce the length of the femur much, but will round it some to soften the sharp right angle edge the end has now.

The old skin graft will be removed, then Dr. Silberg will look to see exactly what he has to work with. He has to do some fancy quilt-like piecing to potentially wrap a muscle around the end of the femur, and pull skin down far enough to make a tidy closure that – once healed – will  withstand prosthetetic wear.

Dr. Barry Silberg with Gabe last week

Dr. Silberg met Gabe last week. Gabe was NOT too excited about another surgery, but he is looking forward to having this process behind him. Dr. Silberg was nice,  seems knowledgeable and interested in Gabe’s case, ready for creative problem-solving, which is just what Gabe needs.

They told me to expect the surgery to take around 5 hours, more or less. There’s a flat screen display in the waiting room listing each patient’s initials, color coding at what point they are “in procedure” and estimating time until they reach the next stage. Is there a layover in Chicago?

Docs say  Gabe he may need further skin grafting, but that can”t happen today. If it has to happen, it will be at a later date soon.

We are expecting 3-5 days in hospital, and several days (?) recuperation at home.

One nice thing: We picked up a sweet-natured dog Gabe’s calling, “Sir Henry” yesterday, to take home on trial. A light brown adult chihuahua, Sir Henry isn’t much to look at, honestly, but he has a great personality. Super calm, cuddly and loving.

Pre-op fun with Grandma at a baseball game on Sunday afternoon

A couple of friends said to me – “What? You’re getting a dog? Now?” Sure, it seems like an inconvenient time, but life is surely not always convenient, and little Sir Henry might be the best medicine around in the days ahead!

Thank you as always for your thoughts and prayers. Cultivating good energy is a valuable contribution!

More soon,

Niika

Hello Everyone,

I’ve been away from school and all responsibilities for a few months. I just had to unplug and spend some time around my close friends in New Jersey, and digest the event of my accident, all that happened after that, who I am now and what life is. It was a really good and important time to be with people who I feel close to, and who will always think of my as “Gabe” first, instead of meeting me for the first time as “the nice kid with no legs.” It was a great and healing summer, and now I’m ready to engage in the regular responsibilities of life for a kid my age.

You may have heard that, a few months ago, an incredibly amazing fellow gave me legs. Someone I had never met before who has a similar physical situation to mine, reached out to me and really changed my life and the possibilities I can envision for myself.

Dave Kruppa’s care and generous action made me realize without a doubt how one person can make a big difference.I’m really thankful that I have someone that believes in me and supports me so much to give me such a generous contribution.

Gabe & Dave - A Day to Celebrate

Before I left for the summer in New Jersey, I went with my mother and my friend Catherine to visit Dave, and show him my progress on the legs he gave me.

Dave Krupa, Niika & Gabe

Gabe with NJ pal, Catherine

We all went out for lunch together. This was the first time I was able to walk from the parked car, across the lot and into the restaurant to sit down and eat with everyone. I used a cane and leaned on my mom the whole way to do it, but I did it with no wheelchair.

I’ll always be grateful for the opportunity Dave’s given to me to improve my life and to feel normal again. I will never forget Dave and his huge heart.

I’ve been unable to use my new legs lately, because the skin graft on my right leg isn’t holding up well.  So the doctor here says it’s time for surgery. Even though I am supposed to start the fall semester of school today, I’ll be going into the hospital on Wednesday morning for the surgery. But if all goes well, it will be the last operation on this leg, and when it heals, I’ll be back to walking forward into life on my new legs.
Stay cool and enjoy the last days of summer –

Gabe

Quiet Time

Dear Friends and Supporters ~

I just haven’t been able to post here for weeks and weeks. I came to a place in this journey thru Gabe’s recovery where I truly could not express a fraction of what might want to be said. I have looked into this blog screen many times, and typed quite a lot, actually, but couldn’t come to any point.  I couldn’t identify what was going on, what was the bottom line, what there was, exactly, to say. I suppose I could have posted a note saying, “Work in Progress.” But I wasn’t even that clear until now.

The stages to this process must parallel what happens when losing one’s home to fire. Discovering the house on fire, there is the moment of shock-induced paralysis, followed by a surge of adrenaline as you watch yourself effortlessly transform into the ‘incredible Hulk’, dig wells, draw water, put out the flames, rescue the loved ones and snatch up the valuables. It’s hard to miss the roar and heat as enormous, crackling flames fill the sky: the whole neighborhood comes out to pitch in.

As the flames diminish and the losses are clear, there are offers of places to stay, and help with basics like finding a rental and fitting it with basic furniture, dishes, towels, sheets. People bring cassaroles and ask with kind concern, ‘How are you doing? You’re so strong, you’re going to be just fine.’ And you know you are strong, and you will be fine. You feel a little impressed with how courageous you were for your loved ones in the face of the fire and it’s hunger for lives.

Well, the flames are out now. Gabe’s survival is no longer in danger. He’s adjusted to the basics of moving through the day, to school, even across the country to rejoin his pals in New Jersey for a good chunk of the summer.

I had planned to help Gabe face his next surgery around this time, doing whatever a mom can do to comfort and cajole. But Gabe wasn’t interested in seeing his body or his summer interrupted by another hospital stay, and his next surgery will wait until Fall.

So I’ve found myself here in this town in which I don’t have much reason to be, in the lone quiet. I’m sitting on the curb in the neighborhood of what life was, staring at where the house once stood and still trying to take in the transformation. The loss is very intense, of course. But the disorientation is the craziest, hardest part. Where are the legs? Not there. Where is my tall son who would carry moving boxes with a grudge, wrap his arms around me from above and run like a deer? Who literally frolicked on the basketball court?

Not there, exactly. His form is changed. And everything is changed.

For all these months, I was busy. I was on the job. I was there for Gabe physically and emotionally in the hospital. Then in rehab. I had to make a lot of difficult decisions along the way, but I made them and we pressed on. I moved Gabe across the country to California where we both thought he might belong – the weather, family, so many reasons. We stayed for three months with a friend who was facing a medical emergency in her own family, while we found a surgeon, a prosthetist. Bought Gabe a car and had it adapted for hand-control driving. Got Gabe started  in school.

I searched for accessible housing, found a place near Gabe’s school and rented it. I returned to India for a month to keep our beautiful work  going there and I actually rested a little. (I read an entire book!) Then flew back to the New Jersey winter to pack a moving truck. Then flew back to California, met the truck, unpacked and set up a house for Gabe. Had a ramp installed. Threw Gabe a birthday party. Took him sea-kayaking and shopping in San Francisco. Then I hugged my boy and returned to India again for two months of work, and bounced right back to be with him for the surgery, which has been postponed.

Pretty much all year long, I could not find my keys near the door, my car in the lot. I couldn’t really even see what was on my desk or in the refrigerator. Business decisions? Right… I asked people to repeat simple sentences. I could hardly keep my hand steady to write a check without searching for reference points to cling to. Because everything had changed and maybe everything really did change.

The mind has to search and scan and repeat, even though I already know. I already made myself accept everything. And I made my mind insist to itself that things happen for a reason. I believed and manufactured belief in silver linings. Whatever happens in this life is a gift. It has to be a gift, ’cause it was given. This is the way forward. But was I really getting anywhere?

For the first time since the trauma happened last May, life slowed down enough in the last two months that I could slow down too. The pace has been glacial. The permitted actions were only these: 1) Sit; 2) Sweep gaze slowly from left to right, eyes locked on the blackened foundation where the house once stood; 3) Breathe if you can and drop into your heart; 4) Let everything else be. Larger, more grandiose gestures would’ve been forced and false because some soft animal parts in me were determined to do whatever had to be done to reconcile –truly realize, digest, accept, be neutral and become relaxed with–what is. What is now, and will always be.

So I’ve sat on this curb for weeks, and it’s OK. I’ve felt the chill of the darkening sky on my shoulders and heard my voice say, “It’s time to get up, time to go.” But the warm concrete beneath me feels real and I stay sitting. I’m in the old neighborhood, but the house is just gone. There’s no way to go home. Nowhere to go home. I am home.

It’s amazing how the heart can expand to hold both enormous gratitude and heartache–in the same breath! While I digest this loss in solitude now, my heart is also filled with a vision of the great bouquet of loving blossoms offered by so many. It’s been a deep blessing to receive sweet support through the months from different kinds of people, and in a beautiful variety of ways. It must be through the participation of you generous spirits that the field of love has held Gabe and I, and created a kind of sacred space for transforming–metabolizing–raw sadness into this rich sorrow.

The rigorous cognitive dissonance, the heat and noise of shock and loss pounding my brain, is quieting down. The sharp compulsion to take a stance of hopelessness or heroism is softening. The cool stream of sorrow is flowing freely through my heart. This makes my cry, but that’s OK. It’s an honest response to the fullness of human experience. Sorrow, I should be able to live with.

Thank God and all the gods–I’m thinking clear thoughts, finding my keys and pulling back out into the current of life.

•••

In brighter news, I talked to Gabe by phone this morning. He tells me  he entered the surf on the Jersey Shore yesterday with the help of a special beach wheelchair on loan to him. He got knocked around by the waves, and bruised a bit, but he actually managed a bit of boogie-boarding! He also walked up a double flight of stairs in his prosthetic legs last week. He misses his legs fiercely and can’t believe how much effort walking takes in manufactured legs,  but he’s very grateful to be able to stand up straight some of the time.

•••

We had a beautiful meeting with Dave Kruppa, the stunningly kind man who gave Gabe his legs. Within a few days, I’ll post the story and lovely photos too.

With love,

Niika

Hey Everyone out there ~

I know its been a while since I last checked in.  LIFE  has been crazy and very busy lately. I have started the long path towards walking again. I have been visiting my prosthetic doctor very regularly and getting adjustments done almost every week.

I am so grateful that someone would bless me with the opportunity to get started with this pair of  legs and begin to use them. The prosthetics are great in many ways and I know that I will learn to use them very well, and I will walk again and  probably even more. Maybe because I made such amazingly quick progress with my recovery and healing in spite of all the challenges, so I think I just expected to be able to jump up on my new legs and just use them. But walking again is something that takes a lot of hard work and major practice every day! Even though it feels slow to me, the doctors say I am making lots of progress and am even ahead of where  should be with my use of prosthetics. I know that I will get great at using them and I am committed to pushing myself as far as I can humanly go.

Walking is very hard but it feels so rewarding to be able to stand again and look at myself in the mirror standing up. This has been very emotional for me much more than anything else thus far. Today it has been a year from my accident, which was last May 11, 2009. I think the more time goes on, the more I get to know the permanent limitations that come with my lifelong disability. It’s a miracle that I have these prosthetic legs, and I’m really so happy in many ways, but also, now that I actually have them, I am realizing once-and-for-all that it will never be the same as having my real legs back, and that is a very saddening thing. This is very hard ’cause because I really want to be able to do everything and be the same as I used to. It’s a truly hard thing to realize that I will never ever get to put my feet in the sand at the beach again, or be able to roller blade or bounce around from rock to rock up a big green hill, or dance – ’cause I had rhythm!  My whole life, I have been very active – even when I was standing still! And now I really miss that part of myself.

In other news, things are going very well. My school semester is almost over so I’m very busy with school work and preparations for finals.

Making the Most of the Day

Last weekend, my lovely mother treated me to a morning of sea kayaking from Sausalito to Belevedere on the San Francisco Bay. It was the first time I had done anything of that nature since my accident, and it felt very empowering to be able to just get out there and do something so physical and fun. For a few hours, I felt like my old self and that nothing had changed.

Serious Arm Power

I am very excited about this summer! Summer is my favorite time of year, and last year I spent it laying in a hospital bed in radical pain, so I am very excited to get some time in the sun with my friends this year.

I want to thank everyone out there who has supported me and helped me get this far in such an amazingly short amount of time. I love all of you and thank you for everything that you have helped me achieve with your amazing level of support. I truly couldn’t have gotten this far without you. I am so grateful for every day that I have on this planet. Even with my permanent limitations starting to really sink in, I am very happy and so thankful for so many things, especially to be the recipient of so much love.

It’s time to sign out –

One more BIG thing… This summer I will be visiting the East Coast, and I would love the opportunity to see as many of you out there as possible. It’s been a difficult and busy time since the accident, and I haven’t been able to actually connect with all of you. So, if you are up for getting together in June or July, let me know.

Keep on keepin’ on and enjoy every day of your life-

Gabe

Miracles just keep bringing blessings our way, and this one is SUBSTANTIAL! While I was working in India, a  man named Dave Krupa–who  lost his own legs many years ago in a New Jersey train accident–GAVE Gabe a set of prosthetic legs! Dave had the set of C-legs in his closet for some time, and he just doesn’t use them. He heard Gabe’s story, felt for him tremendously, and was outrageously kind enough to respond with generosity. He gifted them to Gabe with a caveat – when he’s done with them, he has to give them to someone who can benefit like he has.

Gabe called me in India one morning and said, “Mom – Check it out! I’ve got LEGS! C-Legs!”

Well, honestly, I almost didn’t believe it!  I needed to let this news sink in for a few days, and then, I  needed to hear that Gabe’s prosthetist felt these legs were functioning, and the correct thing for him at this stage. Now, I’m  fully CONVINCED!

And doesn’t he look great? These are a perfect set of starter legs for Gabe, and he’s embraced his opportunity to start walking once again.

I arrived in California last week, and Friday morning was my first chance to see Gabe with his new legs on. We went to a rehab room at his college where on Friday mornings, Gabe can use their set of parallel bars. When we arrived at the school, I pulled his new legs from the car trunk, and carried them into the rehab room, following behind Gabe in his wheelchair. That was my workout for the day! These steel gams are seriously heavier than the flesh and blood variety!

Of course, this is a LARGE moment for celebration:  Gabe has legs. He’s starting to learn to use them, and we are so grateful and relieved to be to this second main point on the road to recovery. (This first? Saving his life and healing his up!)

Now nearing the first year anniversary of Gabe’s  accident, with so much GRACE behind us Gabe has reached his second big goal. (His first? Surviving!) It’s wonderful, but I have to admit there’s some sadness mixed into the joy of this progress. We’ve come to the end of HOPING for legs, and now they are a reality. There’s little room for fantasy now. It’s clear that walking with artificial legs will never be ANYTHING like walking with the legs Gabe was born with.

Gabe’s in fairly good shape, but he breaks into a massive sweat within about 3 minutes of starting walking practice. And it’s going to take quite a long time to master the use of these prosthetics to the point Gabe can walk without bars, a walker, canes…

This morning, Gabe said to me, “It’s interesting to get back on feet. It sucks that I can’t feel them on the ground. In some ways, its very tough to realize that I will never have that again, ever. I can’t take off running in beach sand, or go hiking up a rocky trail. And I really miss playing basketball – with legs. It was the leaping and laying up the ball I loved so much about the game. It’s been 11 months, and now I’ve got the legs I wanted so badly. And I’m happy about that, but I’m also realizing their limitations.

I think the best part is that I enjoy having shoes on my feet again, and the aesthetics of having a normal-looking body.

This walking practice is incredibly hard. It’s exhausting. Some of my muscles just aren’t there anymore. It’s going to take a while before I can wear these for even an hour. I now understand how lots of people decide to just stay in their wheelchair.

But eventually, I’ll get good on these, and be walking. I’ll never give up. “

After the accident, we’d transformed all Gabe’s pants into shorts, since anything longer wasn’t useful. Today, Gabe’s going shopping for a pair of pants and some new socks to wear.  He’s excited to  see how he’ll look, wearing clothes like he always did before.

We’ve also just ordered a set of 10′ long parallel bars for the house, so he can practice his walking skills daily, which is essential now.

Gabe’s promising a video post this week – so stay tuned…!

We are SO GRATEFUL for your prayers and contributions. Now Gabe quite literally keep taking the “next step” forward, and we are so bolstered to know you are in some ways, walking right along with him…

With great love and appreciation ~

Niika